What the...?

By Alan Baylis

The two gaseous beings moved quickly around the instruments. As they worked they would occasionally pass right through one another which would normally be socially unacceptable, being reserved for loving couples or close friends, but it was expedient on this occasion that they drop all formality. The experiment they were conducting was seen as the ultimate challenge, to transform their most common element into their most precious element. The experiment had to proceed without error on this day more than any other; after all, it wasn't every day that they had to work under the direct supervision of the grand council of elders. They currently hovered in a broad circle high above the laboratory from where they had full view of the proceedings. The council had predetermined that the experiment had a 99.48 percent chance of success and this was a lot lower than they would normally consider acceptable; especially considering there was a small, but always significant, 0.003 percent chance of an unknown result. The reason for such an unusual decision could only be put down to the immense rewards that would be gained if the experiment were to succeed, there could be no other reason for such a break from their normally fastidious judgments.

After a few more preparations the experiment was ready to proceed. The workers then waited for the council members to finish their final deliberations, which were clearly more agitated than ever before, but after a while a consensus was reached and the order was given to begin the experiment. As the machines were activated, one of the workers watched a small group of atoms through high magnification. At first it appeared that the atoms were changing as planned, they were gaining neutrons and electrons which then stabilized into new orbits, but almost instantly the worker noticed something was different about these new atoms. They were doing something he had never seen before, they were bonding together much closer than normal. The worker didn't have time to announce his finding to the council or even stop the experiment, a chain reaction spread out from the atoms, getting exponentially faster. The test equipment was the first to undergo a conversion, then the workers and council members themselves were converted along with their building, which was quickly followed by the complete conversion of the planet itself. If anyone had still been alive to witness it, they would then have noticed that the conversion of all matter continued to spread outwards through space itself.

Eight and a half billion years or so later two scientists were working late into the night. Their boss thought that they were diligently working on a new pharmaceutical, but they were using the equipment for a little side project of their own. They had a theory that they may be able to convert carbon atoms into gold atoms by manipulating their subatomic structure. If they were to succeed then the rewards would be immense. They had been in preparation for months and were fairly confident that they were now ready to run the experiment. As they activated the machinery one of the scientists watched the process magnified as much as was possible, at first nothing seemed to be happening but as he looked closer he noticed that the small rod of carbon appeared to be changing, becoming more gaseous. Then he noticed that the surrounding equipment began to convert but all he had time to say was 'What the...?' before he himself was converted.